Am I A Smug Married?

I haven't been married long, but I'm already starting to feel distance from some of the single people I come across. It's too easy for me to trivialize their trials and tribulations, which is wrong of me to do, especially since I lived the drama of a single girl not so long ago. In retrospect, I made a lot of foolish choices and had some really silly and over-romanticized notions bouncing around in my head as a single woman. When I think about the ridiculous ideals I chased around, it makes me wonder how my family and friends didn't want to bonk me up side the head... It's amazing I got married at all actually.

But enough about me. Let's talk about some examples of foolish behavior I've witnessed in the past couple weeks:

1) Emotional Porn: Have you seen the movie "The Holiday"? I'll admit, I jumped at the chance to see this chick flick as soon as Shane was out of town on a job interview. It was a cute movie, but the theater was predictably FULL of women. And such silly giggly women!!!! Every time Jude Law came on screen, or said something sentimental, you heard an audible sigh. And when Law's character professed his love for Cameron Diaz's character, a female movie-goer actual squealed, "Oh baby!"

I think I laughed more at womens' reactions than at the movie itself. I don't remember getting so caught up in these kinds of movies, but maybe I did back in the day? Hugh Grant's bumbling charm and floppy hair in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" comes to mind.

2) Eye Candy v. Good Personality: SK and I went to a holiday party this weekend hosted by one of the residents in his department. Conversation inevitably turned to "which doctor/attending in the department do you think is attractive"? I was frankly disappointed by their choices.

One doctor they named looks like a model, wears perfectly tailored suits, and has a slight British accent. And sure he's very sociable and friendly, but he's also incapable of having a meaningful and sincere conversation! He actually greets people by smiling, pointing and and saying your name. CHEESY! Another doctor they named is charming, but I know from personal experience that this charm is a facade.

Granted, this was party conversation, so they probably weren't being very serious, but I did get the sense that these were the doctors they liked the most. They kept talking about how "nice" they were, but it seemed clear the girls were just bamboozled by their outside appearance and charm! Was I so easily charmed by eye candy? SK was so disgusted, he actually left the conversation in a huff.

I don't want to be a smug married person (like in Bridge Jones Diary), but I guess now that I'm married, I've learned one big lesson: LOOKS MEAN NOTHING. I heard this a million times when I was a singleton from those who were older, wiser, and married, but it didn't really hit home until I myself was hitched.

When I first met SK, I thought he was cute, but what made our first blind date memorable was the ease I felt around him and the constant flow of conversation. And now, SK's appearance hasn't changed much, but when I look at him, I don't even notice what he looks like. Or rather, I see my husband, but love him for such more more than just his physical appearance. I still love him, even when he's just woken up, hair amuck, thick glasses on (he calls them his "birth control" glasses; meaning, they're so ugly....), and morning breath raging. It's an amazing thing.

Warning! Sad Post

Warning... this is going to be a sad, contemplative post.

I love talking to my sister about my niece's cute antics and funny stories. Even her misbehavior and poopy and pee stories are enjoyable. While I look forward to having funny stories of my own to tell, two specific events in the past week or so have impressed upon me the tenuousness of life, the grave responsibility of raising children, and the bumps and sorrows that parenthood might also bring. When you open yourself up to unconditional love, you also become unimaginably vulnerable.

Kim Family of San Francisco
The biggest story out on the West Coast right now is the story of the Kim family -- James and Kati Kim -- from San Francisco. SK and I first read a front page newspaper story about the missing family of four (Korean-american dad, Caucasian wife, and two young girls, 4 years and 7-mos. old) when we visited Portland, OR this past weekend. Since then, SK and I have been following the developments as search and rescue teams looked for the beautiful young family who were taking a nice family vacation from Seattle to San Francisco over the Thanksgiving holiday. I've been incredibly moved to see the brave mother protecting and feeding her young children and keeping them warm. My heart reached out to the resourceful father (with the too-familiar Korean-American face) who ventured out in the cold wilderness to find help.

Unfortunately, if you've been following the story, you'll know that the dad got lost in the rugged Oregon woods and died while trying to get help. This family could easily be us in the near future or my sister's family! The elements are all too familiar: Young family. Cute kids. Family road trip. Naively venturing out in bad weather. I told SK last night that if we were ever in that situation, I wasn't going to let him leave our side, that we were going to stay put and together as a family unit until help came to us!

Prayers for Matthew
So, do you remember my happy little blog from a month ago about our outing to the suburbs where we carved pumpkins, played with kids and enjoyed a big family dinner? One of the little boys, Matthew (the boy who commented about SK's remarkable eating capacity), has had a brain tumor. It was a pre-existing condition and he was recently undergoing radiation treatment. When we saw him in October, SK and I noticed that his motor skills and speaking ability were significantly handicapped since we last saw him in May. Part of the reason we have these family dinners and outings is to to maintain a sense of normalcy and have Matthew enjoy himself.

Unfortunately, the doctors discovered last week that despite the treatment, the tumor continues to grow and a large cyst surrounds the tumor. Last night, eight-year-old Matthew was in surgery to have the cyst drained and the tumor removed. The tumor is much bigger than originally thought and while the surgeon tried to remove as much of the necrotic mass as possible, the prognosis is not good.

This has been unbearably difficult for Matthew's parents and the tragic turn of events has even taken a toll on his 3-year-old brother (who doesn't understand all of what is going on, but has expressed that he is scared for his older brother).

I'm overly emotional these days anyway from my pregnancy, so whenever I think about this family, I struggle to hold back tears... Here are some prayer requests from the family:

1) Matthew would be protected from any type of virus or bacteria while at the hospital and after his surgery. Matthews immune system is weakened from the Decadron (anti-inflammatory medication) and radiation so he is more susceptible for infection.
2) Strength and energy for the parents and other family members.
3) For a miraculous healing of Matthew from the brain tumor and that the cysts would start to drain. Pray that the hands of Dr. Edwards would be moved to get most of the dead necrotic tissue and spare all of the healthy tissue.
4) Pray that Matthew's balance and fine motor control would eventually be restored. That he would have a quick recovery from surgery. He will be in the ICU for at least 2-3 days. The fear is Matthew may have difficulty weaning from the ventilator. His body temperature will be cooled for the surgery so this will also make the recovery process more difficult.

Heb. 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in all things as were are yet without sin. Let us therefore draw near with confidence ... that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need.

John 15:7 If you abide in Me and My words abide in you ask whatever you wish and it shall be done for you.